Does anyone else want to try?

A man limps into a bar with a cane and alligator. The bartender stops him and says "Hold on a second here - you can't bring that animal in here, they aren't allowed!" 

So the man says, "But my gator here does a really cool trick..."

The bartender says "Well then, lets see!" 

So the man whips out his dick and shoves it in the gators mouth. He then takes his cane and starts bashing the gator in the head with it. A crowd gathers around and everyone is astonished when he pulls out his dick without a single scratch.

He looks around at the crowd and says, "Does anyone else want to try?" 

An old lady raises her hand and says..."Sure, but don't hit me with that stick."

are You Smart Enough?

   The following quiz just came from Arthur Andersen.


   Please see if you are smart enough. The following small quiz consists of 4 questions, it tells whether you are                qualified to be a professional.


   According to statistics of  Andersen Worldwide around 90% of the professionals failed the exam.
    Scroll down for the answer......don't cheat!!!
 
   The questions are not that difficult.
   You just need to be a
   bit.............
 


   1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   The correct answer is : open the refrigerator, put
   in the giraffe and close
   the door. (Simple enough ?) This question tests
   whether you are doing
   simple things in a complicated way.
   .
   .
   .2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator ?
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .Wrong Answer: open the refrigerator, put in the
   elephant and close the
   refrigerator Correct Answer: open the refrigerator,
   take out of the
   giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.
   This tests your prudence.
   .
   3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference,
   all the animals attend
   except one. Which animal does not attend ?
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   ..
   .Correct Answer: The Elephant! (Why? Scroll Down!)
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   The Elephant is in the refrigerator! This tests
   whether you have a
   comprehensive thinking. OK, if you did not answer
   correctly the last three
   questions, this one may be your last chance to
   testify your qualification
   to be a professional.
   .
   .
   4. There is a river, which is filled with
   crocodiles. How do you manage to
   cross it?
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   .
   Correct Answer: Simply swim through it. All the
   Crocodiles are attending
   the Animal Conference!


   I hope you got this one correct.

the Worried Mother.

A mother had three daughters and at their weddings she  asked each one of  them to write home and tell her about  their married life.

The first wrote back  on the second day. The letter  arrived with a single message, "Maxwell Coffeehouse " The Mother is confused but finally noticed a Maxwell coffee ad, which said -
"SATISFACTION TO THE LAST DROP...."
So, Mother was happy.

Then the second daughter got married and after a week she sent home her reply. The message read;  " Gold Flake."So the Mother looks for the Gold Flake ad, and it says -
"LIVE LIFE, KING SIZE."
And Mother is happy
  
 Then it was the third one's wedding. The Mother was anxious. It took 4 weeks for a message to come through. When it did the message was simply "BRITISH  AIRWAYS". Mother was so concerned. She frantically
went through all the newspapers at home looking for a B.A. ad. She found one and fainted.

YOU KNOW WHY ??????
???
.......
.........
..................

The ad read: "FOUR TIMES A DAY, SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, BOTH WAYS."


.

the Blind Man and his Dog

This blind fella is standing at the corner with his seeing eye dog waiting to cross the street, when his pooch lifts his leg and you guessed it, right down the side of his nice herringbone tweed trousers.

The guy immediately reaches into his jacket pocket and retrieves a doggie treat which he starts to offer to the dog.

A businessman, who is also waiting to cross the street, observes this happening and interrupts, "None of my business, but are you aware of the fact that your dog just wizzed all down the leg of your pants?"

"Yes, I'm trying to break him of that habit", replies the blind man.

"Well, it's none of my business," retorts the onlooker, "but you're not going to teach him much by rewarding him with a treat!"

To which the blind fella chuckles, "Oh I'm not rewarding him. I'm just trying to find his head so I can kick his ass!"

the Accountant.

A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a accountant.

His friend asks, "Didn't your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?"

The businessman replies "Yah, yhat's the accountant we're looking for."

What an Idea..!!!

My laboratory assistant has invented a device that allows you to steal other people's ideas and then permanently delete them from the subject's memory.

Why didn't I think of that?     

Stamina

I met a girl in a nightclub and told her 'I'm going to fuck you in my bedroom, my bathroom, my kitchen and my lounge when we get back to mine'.

She replied, 'Wow, let's go, it's good to find a man with such stamina these days'.

For some reason she didn't seem too impressed when we finally got to the caravan.