An obnoxious drunk stumbles into the front door of a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says "No way buddy you're too drunk."
A few minutes later the drunk comes in throught the bathrooms, again he slurs "Give me a drink." Bartender says "No, man, I told you last time you're too drunk."
Five minutes later the guy comes in throught the back door and orders a drink, again the bartender says "You're too drunk."
The drunk scratches his head and says "Damn I must be... the last two places said the same thing."
Showing posts with label alcohol. Show all posts
Showing posts with label alcohol. Show all posts
the Three Strange Customers
A guy walks into a bar. With him is a cat and an ostrich. The man says "Get me a Budweiser." The ostrich says "May I have an orange juice?" The bartender nods. Then the cat says: "I'll have a shot of Vodka, but I'm notpaying." They finish their drinks and leave.
The next night, the man walks in with the cat and the ostrich again. The man orders a Bud, the ostrich orders orange juice, and the cat has vodka, but insists on not paying.
The third night that this happens, the bartender is pretty curious. He walks over to the man and says "Tell me, why do you come here everyday with a cat and an ostrich?"
The man looks around and says "Well, I was walking home from the bar four nights ago, and I took a short cut through an alley. I found this old lamp, and it had a genie in it. He said 'Son, this is your lucky day. I'm going to grant you one wish' and I wished for a bird with long legs and a tight pussy.
The next night, the man walks in with the cat and the ostrich again. The man orders a Bud, the ostrich orders orange juice, and the cat has vodka, but insists on not paying.
The third night that this happens, the bartender is pretty curious. He walks over to the man and says "Tell me, why do you come here everyday with a cat and an ostrich?"
The man looks around and says "Well, I was walking home from the bar four nights ago, and I took a short cut through an alley. I found this old lamp, and it had a genie in it. He said 'Son, this is your lucky day. I'm going to grant you one wish' and I wished for a bird with long legs and a tight pussy.
the Expert
An old Englishman walks into a bar an asks for a bottle of 38 year old wine from Leonne, France.
The bartender not wanting to go to the cellar gave the Englishman the closest bottle of wine he has. The Englishman tasted it and said "This wine is only 2 years old and is from Santiago de Chile."
The bartender was amazed, but at the same time curios, so he gave him another bottle. The Englishman goes "This wine is 17 years old and is from San Diego, California."
The bartender was so amazed that he gave him another bottle. The Englishman tasted it and said "This wine is 30 years old and is from Lima, Peru."
Finally the bartender goes to the cellar and got the right bottle and gave it to the Englishman.
The Englishman said: "Finally, a 38 year old wine from Leonne, France."
An old drunk that had been watching goes up to the Englishman and said "Could you please tell me what kind of drink is this" and hands him a cup.
The old Englishman tasted and said "What the fuck, this is piss."
And the drunk replied "Yeah I know but could you please tell me from where because I'm so drunk that I don't remember where I live."
The bartender not wanting to go to the cellar gave the Englishman the closest bottle of wine he has. The Englishman tasted it and said "This wine is only 2 years old and is from Santiago de Chile."
The bartender was amazed, but at the same time curios, so he gave him another bottle. The Englishman goes "This wine is 17 years old and is from San Diego, California."
The bartender was so amazed that he gave him another bottle. The Englishman tasted it and said "This wine is 30 years old and is from Lima, Peru."
Finally the bartender goes to the cellar and got the right bottle and gave it to the Englishman.
The Englishman said: "Finally, a 38 year old wine from Leonne, France."
An old drunk that had been watching goes up to the Englishman and said "Could you please tell me what kind of drink is this" and hands him a cup.
The old Englishman tasted and said "What the fuck, this is piss."
And the drunk replied "Yeah I know but could you please tell me from where because I'm so drunk that I don't remember where I live."
the FreeLoader
A man walks into a bar, sits down and orders a Bud. He says "Give me a beer before problems start!"
The bartender doesn't understand but gives the man a beer.
After 15 minutes the man orders a beer again saying "Give me a beer before problems start!"
The bartender looks a little bit confused but pours the man a beer.
The goes on the whole night and after the 15th beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man
"What do you mean with before problems start, when are you going to pay for the beers you drunk."
The man answers "You see right now the problems start!"
The bartender doesn't understand but gives the man a beer.
After 15 minutes the man orders a beer again saying "Give me a beer before problems start!"
The bartender looks a little bit confused but pours the man a beer.
The goes on the whole night and after the 15th beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man
"What do you mean with before problems start, when are you going to pay for the beers you drunk."
The man answers "You see right now the problems start!"
Cowboys and Guns
A cowboy walks into a saloon bar and orders a large bourbon. Finishing his drink, he turns to the face the guy playing the piano, takes out his gun, shoots the music papers into the air, shoots the guys hat off and finally shoots the lid down trapping the poor guys fingers, before a flash spin with the gun and puts it back in its holster.
"Brilliant shooting," says the bartender, "mind if I look at your gun."
Another flashy spin brings the gun into the bartenders hands.
"Nice tool, but if I were you I would file off the sight, all the rough edges, and where your name is in diamonds on the handle, make it all nice and smooth."
"What the hell for?" asks the cowboy.
"Well see that piano player," says the bartender, "He is Billy The Kid, and when his hands are better he is going to ram that gun up your fucking arse"
"Brilliant shooting," says the bartender, "mind if I look at your gun."
Another flashy spin brings the gun into the bartenders hands.
"Nice tool, but if I were you I would file off the sight, all the rough edges, and where your name is in diamonds on the handle, make it all nice and smooth."
"What the hell for?" asks the cowboy.
"Well see that piano player," says the bartender, "He is Billy The Kid, and when his hands are better he is going to ram that gun up your fucking arse"
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