Moses, Jesus, and an older bearded man were playing a round of golf. Moses stepped up to the tee and hit the ball. It headed toward the water. Quickly, Moses raised his club and the water parted, allowing the ball to roll to the other side onto the fairway.
Next, Jesus came up and hit his ball toward the same water hole. This time it hovered for a few seconds over the water. Casually, Jesus walked over to it and chipped it up onto the green.
The older man then teed up and whacked the ball which headed over to a nearby highway. It bounced off the top of a truck and rolled down the gutter of a nearby house, then landed safely on a lily pad in a small pond where a large bullfrog swallowed it. At that moment a large eagle swooped down and grabbed the frog. As they passed over the golf course, the frog burped and the ball fell out of his mouth and into the hole for a beautiful hole in one.
Moses turned to Jesus and said, '' I hate playing golf with your dad.''
source- saswata.banerjee20@gmail.com
Love Marriage: Resembles procedural programming language. We have some set functions like flirting, going to movies together, making long conversations on phone and then try to fit all functions to the candidate we like.
Arranged Marriage: Similar to object oriented programming approach. We first fix the candidate and then try to implement functions on her. The main object is fixed and various functions are added to supplement the main program. The functions can be added or deleted.
Love Marriage: It is a throwaway type of prototype as client requirements rises with time thus it is a dynamic system and difficult to maintain.
Arranged Marriage: Requirements are well defined so use of waterfall model is possible.
Love Marriage: Family system hangs because hardware called parents are not responding.
Arranged Marriage: Compatible with hardware Parents.
Love Marriage: You are the project leader so u are responsible for implementation and execution of PROJECT- married life.
Arranged Marriage: You are a team member under project leader parents so they are responsible for successful execution of project Married life.
Love Marriage: Client expectations include exciting feature as spouse cooking food, washing clothes etc.
Arranged Marriage: All these features are covered in the SRS as required features.
Love Marriage: Acceptance test possible you can try before you Buy.
Arranged Marriage: Product is sold on an as is where is basis. Product once sold will not be taken back!
One day there was a Bihari going in a Fiat Car at 45KMPH on a high way and enjoying his drive.
Suddenly a Sardaji came Booiiiiiiiiinnnnnnn on a Honda and peeped into the car and shouted at the Bihari -? Kabhi honda chalaya kya?? and sped off, The Bihari was surprised but he did not bother. After some time the Sardarji came Booiiiinnnnnnnnnnn... in the opposite direction, peeped into the car and shouted again? kabhi honda chalaya kya?? and sped off , This time the Bihari was annoyed, since the sardar was teasing about his driving. After some time again the Sardar came back speeding and said the same thing peeping into the car. The Bihari was about to say something but the Sardar sped off. This time the Bihari increased his speed but suddenly stopped as he found the sardar lying on the road, bleeding. He got down and mocked at the sardar ? Kyon Sardarji , Kabhi Honda chalaye kya?? The sardar said ? Wohi to puchraha tha, Mein Brakes doond raha tha?-----------
PCMCIA:- People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN: It Still Does Nothing
APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
SCSI: System Can't See It
DOS: Defective Operating System
BASIC: Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
IBM: I Blame Microsoft
DEC: Do Expect Cuts
CD-ROM: Consumer Device - Rendered Obsolete in Months
OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too.
WWW: World Wide Wait
MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
PENTIUM: Produces Erroneous Numbers Thru Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics
AMIGA: A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction
LISP: Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parentheses
MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
RISC: Reduced Into Silly Code
"DADDY! HOW WAS I BORN?" Junior asks his dad,
His dad, who is a software engineer sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!"
"Well, I saw your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on YAHOO. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button."
"Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS."
Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!
This memo is to announce the development of a new software system. We are currently building a data center that will contain all firm data that is Year 2000 complaint. The program is referred to as the "Millennium Year Application Software System". (MYASS).
Next Monday at 9:00 a.m. there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will continue to hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good look at MYASS. As for the status of the implementation of the program,
I have not addressed the networking aspects, so currently, only one person at a time can use MYASS. This restriction will be removed after MYASS expands.
Several people are using the program already and have come to depend on it. Just this morning I walked into a subordinate's office and was not surprised to find he had his nose buried in MYASS.
I've noticed that some of the less technical personnel are somewhat afraid of MYASS. Just last week, when asked to enter some information into the program, I had a secretary say, "I'm a little nervous. I've never put anything into MYASS before." I volunteered to help her through her first time and when we were through, she admitted it was relatively painless and she was actually looking forward to doing it again. She went so far as to say that after using SAP and Oracle, she
was ready to kiss MYASS.
I know there are concerns over the virus found in MYASS upon initial installation, but I am pleased to say the virus has been eliminated and we were able to save MYASS. In the future, however, protection will be required prior to entering MYASS. We planned this database to encompass all information associated with the business.
So, as you begin using the program, feel free to put anything you want into MYASS. As MYASS grows larger, we envision a time when it will be common place to walk by an office and see a manager hand a paper to an employee and say, "here, stick this in MYASS." This program has already demonstrated great benefit to the company. In a recent audit, an employee was asked where he had secured the numbers on the report. He proudly exclaimed, "I just pulled them out of MYASS."
